How to have the money talk with your partner

The season of love is the perfect time to think about the beginning of a new relationship. You’re hopelessly attracted to each other, learning new hobbies, meeting friends and family and planning a life together. And of course, having the money talk with your partner is an important part of the honeymoon phase, right?

Oftentimes, the answer to that is a resounding “no.” And why wouldn’t it be? Love is fun, and money can be frustrating. The two can sometimes mix about as well as water and oil, toothpaste and orange juice or cats and dogs.

The truth is, it’s important, and it can be an opportunity to get even closer as a couple, achieving not just financial goals but life goals. Here’s how you can get smart, engage in a healthy conversation about money and move toward a financially sound future with your special person.

1. Establish your foundation 

Just like a strong, sturdy building, every great relationship starts with a solid foundation — one that's rooted in a deep understanding of each other's financial values. Open the conversation by sharing your individual money mindsets, as well as the factors that shaped them.

That paves the way for an honest discussion that could reveal things you don’t even know about yourself. Remember, this is not a time for shame. It’s a time for understanding. Also, keep an eye out for shared goals and aspirations, as common ground can bring you closer together.

2. To combine or not combine 

That is the question — and it’s one of the most deliberated ones in any relationship. At the crossroads of combining finances, practicality meets personal preference. There's no one-size-fits-all answer, so here are some things to think about that may help you find the path that suits you both. 

What are my options?

It’s important to remember there’s no right answer when combining finances. In fact, there aren’t even two right answers. The right choice for you and your partner will be completely based on what you prefer and what you’re comfortable with. Here are some of your options:

Fully combined joint accounts

This option is when you combine everything. From bank accounts to investment accounts to bills and more, you’re essentially two halves of a financial whole. This centralizes funds and fosters a sense of partnership. It can also be convenient, making budgeting and tracking your finances as a couple easier.

It does, however, mean complete transparency in your finances, so making this approach work means complete honesty and trust. You can also set up personal allowances that let you spend guilt-free on personal interests and retain some autonomy.

All individual accounts

Keeping all of your accounts separate isn’t too different from the way you probably operated when you were single. Is it the most romantic choice? Probably not, but for some couples, it can be the right choice. It makes you responsible for yours and them responsible for theirs.

Of course, accountability is at an all-time high when you keep your accounts separate, as you’re tasked with managing your own money, but it can also give each person a greater sense of individuality and entitlement over their earnings.

Somewhere in the middle

It’s safe to say most couples land somewhere in the middle. Maybe they have a joint checking account they both contribute to, or they might have a joint investment account to save for their retirement together. When you choose a mix, your financial circumstances are completely personalized to you.

You will probably have to dive deeper into the conversation with your partner about what gets combined and what stays separate, but again, those types of conversations promote healthy communication and boundaries while also fostering a sense of teamwork.

3. Have regular check-ins 

It’s no secret, without open and honest communication, you have nothing. That means the conversation doesn’t end after deciding how accounts will be combined or divided. You should have regular check-ins with your partner to ensure you’re still on the same page. Sounds romantic, right? Well, honestly, it is! Money is a vulnerable topic, and continuing to discuss it can keep bringing you closer. Here are some tips you can use to keep the money conversation rolling.  

Create a safe and comfortable environment for discussions  

Choose a neutral and relaxed setting where both you and your partner feel comfortable sharing your thoughts, concerns and financial aspirations. Remember, the goal is not to blame or judge each other but to collaborate and make informed decisions as a team.

Have a set discussion cadence 

Be consistent and consider setting aside specific times to talk shop, like bi-weekly, monthly or quarterly. Knowing you have dedicated time to discuss money also reduces the urge to bring up financial matters randomly, which can catch your partner off guard and put them on the defensive. Want to make it even more romantic? Turn it into a date. Schedule a dinner just to talk about money, or do it at a scenic overlook. It’s all about being comfortable but also ensuring you do it.

Practice active listening and empathy during conversations  

Effective communication involves both talking and listening. When discussing financial matters with your partner, practice active listening, and confirm that you understand what you’re hearing.

Pay attention to their perspective and validate their feelings, even if they differ from yours. Approach the conversation with empathy and a willingness to understand their concerns. This helps foster a sense of mutual respect and encourages collaborative problem-solving. 

Tip: Feel the need to brush up on negotiating skills and ways to find compromises? This article has a lot of great tips that can help you navigate discussions about money.  

4. Remember to be a team 

Never forget that you’re in this together and that you love the other person. Here are a few pointers to stay connected as a team:

Budget together

Combine your strengths to create a realistic budget that aligns with your shared goals. 

Implement saving strategies together

Aim for both short-term wants and needs as well as long-term aspirations while also prioritizing an emergency fund for unexpected situations. 

Address debts and financial obligations

Face them as a team, strategize repayment plans and support each other in achieving financial freedom. 

5. Celebrate milestones and adjust plans 

Good progress is always cause for celebration! As you accomplish your financial goals, take time to acknowledge them and congratulate each other. Events like paying off a car or reaching a savings milestone are important and proof of your shared commitment to achieving financial well-being together.

6. Just keep talking 

Remember, managing money together isn't just about numbers — it's about being a team. Life can throw curveballs, but a united front helps you tackle anything. Plus, the only thing that truly matters is that you succeed together while chasing your dreams.

Looking for a new financial partner to help you on your financial journey? Desert Financial can help!  Open an account today.